Saturday, May 12, 2012

I just found the worst

list of "Reasons to live"

You can laugh at them with me, they also picked a crimson theme to their website...not a good choice.
They should have called this, 
"Things people don't think when they're going to kill themselves."
I'm feeling particularly cynical, which I didn't think could happen, but here I am. 
I better do this instead of killing myself.

Reasons To Live When You Are Thinking About Killing Yourself 
Things people don't think when they're going to kill themselves.

1. I care enough about myself to live I don't care about myself, I want to die.
2. I believe I can find other solutions to my problems I have so many problems with no hope of solving them.
3. I still have many things left to do If I kill myself, all those things I have left to do will go away.
4. I have hope that things will improve and the future will be happier 
I have no hope, things will never improve and I will never be happy.
5. I have the courage to face life I'm afraid to face my life.
6. I want to experience all that life has to offer and there are many experiences I haven’t had yet which I want to have
I don't want to experience the shitty things life has to offer, I've been through a lot and I've had enough.
7. I believe everything has a way of working out for the best  I believe everything has a way of fucking me over.

8. I believe I can find a purpose in life, a reason to live I have no purpose or reason to live.
9. I have a love of life I hate life.
10. No matter how badly I feel I know that it will not last I feel like shit and will continue to feel like shit forever.
11. Life is too beautiful and precious to end it Life's a bitch.
12. I am happy and content with my life I hate myself and want to die.
13. I am curious about what will happen in the future  My life has only gotten worse as I've grown older and I'm afraid for the future.
14. I see no reason to hurry death along Death is my only option, I can't die fast enough, I hate myself and want to die.
15. I believe I can learn to adjust or cope with my problems I can't deal with my problems anymore.
16. I believe killing myself would not really accomplish or solve anything Death is the only option.
17. I have a desire to live I have lost the desire to live.
18. I am too stable to kill myself (This one is just ridiculous...if you were stable you wouldn't be fucking thinking about killing yourself.) I do not think about stability because I am unstable and just think about FUCKING KILLING MYSELF.
19. I have future plans I am looking forward to carrying out I have no plans and no future and am aimless
20. I do not believe that things get miserable or hopeless enough that I would rather be dead
I do believe that things are so miserable and hopeless enough that I would rather be dead.
21. I do not want to die I hate myself and want to die.

22. Life is all we have and is better than nothing Anything is better than this/
23. I believe I have control over my life and destiny I have no control over my life.
24. It would hurt my family too much and I would not want them to suffer I am suffering so much that I would rather be dead.
25. I would not want my family to feel guilty afterwards Maybe I have a shitty family or no family.
26. I would not want my family to think I was selfish or a coward Same answer.
27. My family depends on me and needs me  Same answer.
28. I love and enjoy my family too much and could not leave them  Same answer.
29. My family might believe I did not love them   Same answer.
30. I have a responsibility and commitment to my family  Same answer.
31. The effect on my children could be harmful 

I am definitely not thinking about my children and/or think I'm a terrible parent, they're better off literally anywhere.
32. It would not be fair to leave the children for others to take care of  Same answer.
33. I want to watch my children as they grow  Same answer.
34. I am afraid of the actual “act” of killing myself (the pain, blood, violence) The pain of death does not compare to the pain of life.
35. I am a coward and do not have the guts to do it That question seems like judgement. You're right, I should just kill myself.
36. I am so inept that my method would not work  Better not give up then. On giving up, that is.
37. I am afraid that my method of killing myself would fail I'm probably more afraid of living.
38. I am afraid of the unknown I know that my life is terrible.

39. I am afraid of death I hate myself and want to die.
40. I could not decide where, when and how to do it None of these things matter as long as I'm dead.
41. Other people would think I am weak and selfish Fuck other people.
42. I would not want people to think I did not have control over my life I do not have control over my life.
43. I am concerned about what others would think of me Everybody hates me. I hate myself and want to die.
44. My religious beliefs forbid it I am not religious.
45. I believe only God has the right to end a life My God has betrayed me.
46. I consider it morally wrong Not thinking about morals...
47. I am afraid of going to hell My life is hell.

Their list definitely made me want to kill myself. 

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